im drinking this country out of the recession.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We have started to decorate penises.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
