sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
