my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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