Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
