are you so shy because you have an std?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize