If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
