there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
