There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
