Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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