she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
