hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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