Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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