haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
