I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
