Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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