whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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