these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
