We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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