Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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