I cannot find my penis.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
