my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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