only if we run a train.
done.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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