Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
