i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
