I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
