I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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