I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Be still, my beating vagina.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
