so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Randomize
