I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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