I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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