The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
