She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
