Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Redeem this text for a blowjob
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
