is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
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