The maid of honor just puked.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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