The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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