perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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