how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Pants are for mortals
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
