if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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