We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
