I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?