did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
