great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
where does the pee come out of this thing
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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