Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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