Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
