I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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