if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
