I faked an abortion last night.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Randomize
