Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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