Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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