rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
