I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize