my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
