I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
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