okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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