Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
