apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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