i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
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Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
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As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize