Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
