just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Farmville is her only friend.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
