i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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