we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Sorry my hands just texted you
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
